Me: [Lecturing on ArrayLists] "Give me some things for a shopping list."
Student 1: "Bananas!"
Student 2: "Condoms!"
Student 3: "Salad dressing!"
Student 4: "Oo!"
Student 5: "Sounds like a fun night."
Me: *sigh*

[I heard this just as I was entering the classroom.]
Student: "I couldn't cover that much train with my lips if I had a year."

Student 1: "My mom is a slut and a whore!"
Student 2: "That makes no sense. How can she be a slut and a whore?"
Student 3: "Coupons?"

Student 1: "Cats have barbs on their wangs."
Student 2: "Trust me, I know."

Student: "Janet Reno is my wumpus."

Me: "So BubbleSort can be bi-directional..."
Student 1: "BubbleSort can be bi?"
Student 2: "Well, it gets a better Big-O that way."

[This one is funny, trust me.]

Student: "Less VB, more Spin-the-Bottle!"